The Best Night Ever
by RomanViking
Summary: There once was a man named Beef Mc Whatnow. Beef Mc Whatnow was an overweight, out of shape, balding, lonely man. But he loved My Little Pony, and there was no pony he loved more than Apple Bloom…


**Author's Note: Just a starter story to dip my hoof in the water, before I create my actual real and serious main story.**

* * *

Staring at his computer monitor, Beef Mc Whatnow slid a greasy, cheeto stained hand across the screen, admiring the image with great pleasure.

The obese character had long dreamed and pleasured himself to this mass of pixels, however today was something special.

His lust had weighed heavy on his heart, and the usual Apple Bloom X Male Reader Lemons just weren't enough to satisfy his marehood.

Tonight, only his favorite image of the farmer's daughter, 'Apple Bloom's blank flank is revealed ', would satiate his hunger now.

He stroked the worn screen again so that the yellow fur of the filly would mix with the orange of his cheeto grease, making a new color that Beefy could only replicate in his dreams.

"Oh Apple Bloom…" The fupa bearing man whispered, licking the orange dust from his fingertips. "One day you'll be mine…"

A drip of drool fell from his fat lips, falling into the seat of his crotch. But Beefy didn't notice, that area was already wet anyway.

All that mattered now was that he was staring at his one true love, the one who he would die for.

He had already eaten thirty seven apple pies from McDonalds in order to prove his love for the apple harvester.

But still, even as his face crusted with dried apple sauce, and shone with unwashed sweat, he could almost feel the fur underneath the cold computer screen. He could almost see her smiling back at him, ready for some uncouth actions.

So soft, so innocent.

Cracking his joints as he articulated another caress, he muttered once again

"One day you'll be-"

He stopped himself as he saw a notification on the top right of his computer.

Clicking it with curiosity, he opened the tab, it taking him to a recently sent email.

Beef Mc Whatnow squinted, his eyes already tired from his daily ritual of browsing Sumin6301's DeviantArt Page.

However, even with his worn eyes, he could still make out the message.

'Congratulations! You are cordially invited to this year's Grand Galloping Gala! Hosted at Princess Celestia's Palace in Canterlot!'

Beefy could hardly believe his eyes.

He rubbed them once just to make sure, but the message was still there, the wording exactly the same.

"THE GRAND GALLOPING GALA!" The fat man yelp with excitement, clapping his chubby hands like a seal.

Through the power of will, patience, and of course the magic of friendship, our hero now had acquired a ticket to The Grand Galloping Gala.

"Now I can go to The Grand Galloping Gala!" Beefy claps his hands together in glee, jiggling all about.

Lunging from his seat, he jumped out the window, but not before clearing his browser history for the fifth time that day.

And so he ran, and he ran, and he ran to the Gala…

* * *

Shining Armor stood at the entrance to the palace, his eyelids heavy with boredom.

After hours of standing in the sun, greeting the usual snobby guests and other ponies, Shining Armor's knees had begun to weaken, his heavy armor only causing him to slouch in his posture.

All the guests had already arrived, why would this sexy beast need to wait outside any longer?

After all, it's not like Princess Celestia could see every action that this stallion did, right?

Yeah, maybe he could slip into the party, grab a few snacks, and slip back outside before Princess Celestia would ever know.

It would be the perfect plan.

That is, if it wasn't for the strange noise echoing in the darkness.

It was a faint noise, but grew louder by the second.

It was very strange to the royal guard, almost like some kind of...clapping?

No, that's not right. Perhaps it was more similar to someone throwing a fistful of jello at a wall, but even that was still not exact.

However, Shining Armor had no more time to ponder, as the creator of the noise came into view.

Before the royal guard even had time to get a good look at the thing, it stopped in front of him, grinding to a halt.

"One for The Grand Galloping Gala!" The strange creature exclaims, shoving the ticket in the unicorn's face.

"Eh…" Shining Armor faltered.

He had never seen such a creature before.

It was so ugly, so overweight, so out of shape, so bald, so lonely...

"Ticket please…" Shining Armor muttered, trying to keep his demeanor up.

His belly, now sweaty and bubbling from all the running, grumbled from an upset state, almost like he was thrown into the Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000.

As Beef Mc Whatnow handed the stallion the ticket, he threw up the thirty seven apple pies, brown goo littering the palace grounds.  
"Ew! What the hay?!" Shining Armor cried out, himself barely dodging the boomer in time.

As the vomit flashed by him, the memories of the past Grand Galloping Galas had flashed by as well.

One year, Princess Celestia had invited his sister and her friends to the Gala, which proved a total disaster.

And the next year, the Princess had invited Discord, the God of Chaos, and his gelatinous like plus one.

And now, this gabgobgabgolab?

Shining Armor shook his head.

Celestia really needed to reconsider who she invites to these parties.

"And your name?" He asked

"Beef Mc-"

The hairy slug stopped himself, thinking

Beef Mc Whatnow wasn't a very pony sounding name.

If he wanted to blend in, he would have to think of something.

"Uh...Midnight Moonscar." Beefy smiled between his Chicken flavored Top Ramen Broth colored teeth.

What a badass name.

Shining Armor shook his head at this edgy name in disappointment.

"Oh, of course, sir." He tried to keep with the formalities. "How do you know Princess Celestia?"

Honestly, just how does she find these people?

"Uh...through our church." Beef lied, not wanting to reveal his online invitation.

The guard narrowed his eyes at this answer, responding with

"Oh, which church?"

"The church that worships God, and tells us to do good things." Beefy responds without losing stride.

"Oh, right on." Shining Armor stated, not looking Beefy in the eye. "Right this way, sir..."

Before the sexy stallion had even opened the door all the way, Beefy threw himself between the crack, forcing his way through.

His heart was practically beating faster than no other, his ween more enlarged than when RomanViking, the author of this horror, sees Spike irl.

He fled upstairs to the party, his sweaty feet slipping on the fine wooden floor.

"The Grand Galloping Gala!" He screamed to himself, unable to contain his excitement.

Beefy tripped, catching himself with his sausage like arms.

Without losing stride, he began to run on all fours like a dog, eager to catch his prize, all the while chanting his mantra.

"The Grand Galloping Gala! The Grand Galloping Gala! The Grand Galloping-"

He caught himself, as the door to the party came into view, a regal door covered in gold, reading

'Grand Galloping Gala'

On the other side, he heard beautiful music.

"Wait, Beefy." He told himself, catching his ogre like breath. "Be cool, be cool."

If he was to descend on the party, he would have to make a grand entrance.

* * *

Princess Celestia stared at the crowd with content.

For many years now, this alicorn had hosted many Grand Galloping Galas, and many of them had all ended on a successful note.

However, while they were successful, as time passed by, each Gala grew more and more boring, until Celestia began to groan and moan whenever another Gala came around.

She remembered the antics of her most faithful student and her friends, as well as Discord and The Smooze.

Those were good times, full of laughter as she watched these groups liven up the usually boring party with unpredictability.

But during this Gala, no Twilight Sparkle or Discord were present, all too busy with their own activities.

While the hoity toity ponies from Canterlot and all the other busy cities mingled, Celestia would retreat to her own corner of the room, lazily sitting at an empty table, waiting for this generic Gala to end.

In between sips from her drink, she would pray that somepony would come and turn this deadly dull gathering into a raving party that would match even Pinkie Pie's autism.

As Celestia let out another idle sigh, the ball room doors burst open, revealing some hairy creature with quite a sizable gut.

The unknown blob takes a stance, widening his legs, raising his pudding cup arms to the sky, screaming

"I'M A GOOD SAMARITAN!"

'This has potential.' Celestia thought to herself, as she kept a close but non intervening eye on this new character.

Beef Mc Whatnow paid no heed to the many ponies now staring at him in horror and shock.

He was now at The Grand Galloping Gala, the place to be.

He marveled at the decor, the polished silverware, the bleached tablecloth, the charming music, the faint yet pleasant scent of perfume in the air.

He gazed at all the ponies in curiosity, while all the other ponies returned his stare with fear.

It was just like the tv show! Just like the fanfictions, just like the fanart, just like his dreams, and just like the simulations!

He was dead with excitement, until he met a certain somepony.

Beefy could notice this pony a mile away.

While his look was very similar to Shining Armor from outside the palace, this pony had blond hair, and was much less sexier.

Beefy remembered what this stallion had did during 'The Best Night Ever', and it filled him with deep seated anger.

"Blue Blood?!" Beefy cried out, charging the stallion, grabbing him by the throat. "How dare you come back here after what you did to Rarity?!"

With a quick twist of the neck, the stallion fell to the floor, dead.

Beefy looked on at this carcass, himself still hungry from his run to The Grand Galloping Gala.

He began to eat the body, until the host saw.

"P-Princess Celestia?!" Beefy cried out, spitting a wad of Blue Blood's hair out in fear.

Princess Celestia gazed at the state Blue Blood, now dead with many bite marks, oozing out hyper realist blood.

The alicorn then took a look at the perpetrator of the crime, a blood covered Beef Mc Whatnow.

Not a minute had gone by, and this unknown guest had already killed and eaten somepony.

A surprise to be sure, but a welcome one to Princess Trollestia.

Perhaps this foul smelling creature was the miracle that she prayed for.

"How may I help you?" The regal ruler requested, keeping up her pleasantries.

Spitting up remains of her nephew at the Princess, Beefy declared

"Luna is best princess! For the New Lunar Republic!"

He then dabbed his way out of this conversation, making his way to the punch bowl, hoping to drown himself in his new found depression.

He had been at the Gala for a few minutes now, and his love was nowhere in sight.

How could this be? He remembered he was Apple Jack's plus one in that one episode!

As he was thinking these thoughts, he heard the sweet voice of his love.

"APPLE BLOOM!" Beefy cried out, running towards his passion.

Without any warning, Beef Mc Whatnow slung his beefy arms around the young filly, tonguing her eye.

Now don't be grossed out that Beefy is in his fifties and Apple Bloom was like ten in the show. This is true love.

They began to dance the night away, unaware of how grand this Gala would not be.

* * *

With the sound of a thousand clopping bronies, Beefy was awoken from his nap, waking up with a startle in his race car bed.

Eyes like a frightened rabbit, Beefy bounced his gaze around the room, coming to the conclusion that it was just his bedroom, that he had never left his house and entered The Grand Galloping Gala, that it was all a dream.

And that the sound of a thousand clopping bronies was not that, but his alarm clock, waking him up at his usual time, 3 PM.

This dream would never be repeated, and it was because of this crushing alarm clock that the dream was ended, and the pleasure that Beefy had experienced was the highlight of his life, it was all downhill from there.

Beefy could still feel the fur of Apple Bloom, the youthful beat of her heart, and the cold stop of his as the self administered poison finally took affect.

Might as well cut to the end of this walking shadow known as life, and so Beefy did.

And so ends the story of Beef Mc Whatnow, his journey into the world of friendship and magic, and his time at The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala, The Grand Galloping Gala…..

"That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved."

Romans 10:9

* * *

**Author's Note: This is a sad story. Beef Mc Whatnow gave himself into something very bad, and it ruined his life. He wanted to know the magic of friendship. But he lost his manhood, his respect, and his life. But because of the kindness of a loving God, he didn't lose his soul. Jesus paid of Beef's sins of furryism, bestiality, and being a weeaboo. But that payment would do him no good if Beefy had not trusted Christ, and taken that payment as his own. What have you let ruin your life? How are you just like Beefy? Your sins cannot be paid for by fanfics, OCs, or by getting a waifu. But if you'll take the payment that Jesus already made on the cross as the payment for your sins, you can be saved, have your sins forgiven, and be given a new life by God. Why would you refuse such a gift?**


End file.
